The healing of a photographer

It has been exactly 6 weeks post my mastectomy surgery & while physically I have had a wonderful recovery, thank God. It still has had its effects on me, mentally. As I suspected, a rollercoaster of emotions thru & thru but now we will dive into my journey during the recovery. I mean it was a huge surgery, so of course it would only be normal to have all the feelings, right!?

Can't resist the joy our kiddos bring to us, even more when they gift you the most adorable & tiniest bouquet!

So much love has been demonstrated by so many of my friends & family and even from my amazing clients. The amount of kindness shown to me has been very uplifting, for which I am thankful. Without that I know it would have been that much harder for my mental health. As my therapist would love to get thru me; I am strong and worthy of all the love and support. But I would be lying if I sat here saying everything has been amazing during this process; but I also acknowledge that it is also human to have our downfalls.

The heartfelt cards I received sure warmed my heart; I also happen to celebrate my birthday post surgery-4 days to be exact!

I am beyond grateful for my husband for lifting me up, figuratively but also quite literally-being in the beginning I couldn't use my arms-at least not the strength needed to get up on my own. I knew going in how difficult this restriction would be but it is just like many other circumstances, we underestimate all the little things, along with the big things, our body can do when healthy &/or not restricted. I mean in the beginning I couldn't even carry those heavy aluminum water bottles-thank God my daughter was there to hold it to my lips. There were also frustrating times where I couldn't even reach up high in my cupboard for a cup, simple things were becoming trivial. My independence was no longer that and some nights after so much frustration, combine that with the random pains-it would weigh on me the fact that I was in this position. I never wanted to admit it or say it out loud, at least not that often and definitely only kept it to my husband, because I was the one who had made that decision (which you can read more about on how long it took me to decide on via my previous blog) and I didn't want to go back on my decision...it is not like I could anymore! After-all my body is no longer the same and what is done is done. I can't undo that. Furthermore when close friends would visit or chat and state how brave I was, it did not feel like it was mine to take; I mean the night before I was being weak and letting everything get to me and brave I did not feel. Heck even on the day of the surgery moments before being wheeled into the surgery room I had my doubts. This felt like I was being a fraud; by day "brave" and by night weak.

I now can understand that two can coexist at the same time. Currently for me it has been the random points of fear and the bravery, which I still struggle with but I will own it because this is not for the weak & BRAVE I am!

The beauty is in the details & I so wish I could have captured the beauty of these flowers with my professional camera

All this to admit that, after much deliverance...I am not a robot, but human after-all ;)

So many times we may start to overdo it and put high expectations on ourselves to do it all, it's as if we start to think we are robots. Possibly because society plays a role in telling us all what we should be doing (or not); including the self-care, we all can't seem to find the time for, or maybe because we are so hard on ourselves! Believe me the struggle is real and on a daily I am trying my best to strike that balance of getting it all in while remaining sane. For which when I post on my social media my hope is to, not only remind all the mommas out there but including myself that we have to be kind to ourselves. Even if it means to just tell ourselves that it is ok to feel the way we do and then fix our crown and push thru like we always do!

Nothing chocolate can't fix, Ben & Jerry's medicine to be exact-YUM

As I suspected there was physical pain but what I oversaw was the mental anguish I would have to combat.

Some of my personal distractions were most definitely binging on shows, for some reason I was intrigued by Chicago PD, reading books that were gifted to me & enjoying the company of visitors. As I said in the beginning, I am grateful for how I was shown the love and support. Aside from the occasional visits from family & friends the help from my little family was most definitely imperative. Another set of people who I am most grateful for is my parents who stayed with me and nursed me back to health the first 3 weeks; well mostly my mom since she did most of the heavy lifting. My dad was mostly helpful in the distraction to the two of us, which was very much needed!

Self-care in full effect; as it should be after much work, one should reward themselves!

To no surprise my healing also came along with photography. Being flowers don't last forever I wanted to remember all the beautiful sights that came along from my recovery and what better way than...you guessed it-PICTURES! While I was wishing to use my professional camera for my impromptu photoshoot I had to settle for my phone. So I hope you have enjoyed some of my cell-shots from your healing photographer!

I sure was able to appreciate the little things in life!

Stopping to smell the flowers is what eased my mind many days, along with sweet treats ;)

For the professional photographs I am known for, please tag along for more of my future work along with some of my past sessions that will be coming out of the vault; being I never got around to showcasing them before.

In the meantime if you want to see more of your healing photographer's past work see below:

The luxurious maternity photographer from her home studio in Montgomery, IL

The baby-whisperer studio newborn photographer from Montgomery, IL

The patient birthday photographer with the custom set-up studio in Montgomery, IL