Hits like a ton a bricks; at least it did for me when I first heard my diagnosis of BRCA 2-genetic mutation. For an official description of what this is, click on the link below:
Not sure what I was expecting nor did I think I would respond this way; being my siblings had already been diagnosed positive to this gene mutation. Lets just say in situations where your life gets altered its hard to tell how one would respond and I sure went thru many emotions. My rollercoaster of emotions start by first ignoring them all-together but ranged from moments of confusion, anger, fear and gratefulness which I will walk you thru with nonetheless images of a therapeutic self-portrait session I had to do for myself.
Well here it goes; my journey to what will soon have a drastic turn of events with the hopes of a great future for me & my family! My hope and goal is to live once again in a world of unicorns & rainbows-as my hubby would like to say🤪
This has been a rough start to my journey; filled with so much uncertainty that had me in turmoil for the longest time. It was so hard to come to terms with it and even saying it out loud felt heavy for me-even as I am writing this I am having the hardest time putting it into words because I don’t pretend to think my situation is the hardest as many others have had a harder journey than mine but nonetheless it is my journey and I am ready to share.
Life as a professional photographer, nowadays, with social media being in the forefront expectations are high. The expectation it has on us, business owners, is that one has to display personal aspects in order to be relatable and stay relevant in order to be seen. Given my frustration at the moment I just couldn't pretend I was ok with everything, because it wasn't and as a result I was not ready to share. For my mental sanity I had to take a break from capturing grand moments for my gorgeous clients along with posting anything on social media. First because mentally I was exhausted from all the decisions that were upon me & secondly I was not feeling the most creative and that is pretty much the essence of my work. The link below can give you a synopsis of what I have been heavily debating on:
As all things should start-let’s start in the beginning. My mom, blessed to say she is an ovarian cancer survivor of 6 years, received the news of cancer after having unusual pain and menstrual symptoms well after her menopause, which caused confusion. Being my parents are snowbirds and at that time in Mexico, her symptoms started to worry my dad and thank god she came back to the US for her medical needs. Care in the rural area they reside during the winter is very difficult for them to access (more so because my mom doesn’t drive & my dad can’t because he is legally blind).
As part of her cancer treatment the genetic testing component came into play-it had been quite interesting to hear how much of cancer can be genetically imposed. Upon her results we were highly encouraged to be tested ourselves to see if we carried the same gene. My siblings did right away and unfortunately both tested positive-the odds are not in our favor as it’s a 50/50 chance. https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/conditions-and-diseases/breast-cancer/inherited-cancer-risk-brca-mutation#:~:text=Inheriting%20damaged%20copies%20of%20the%20BRCA1%20or,in%20men%2C%20as%20well%20as%20other%20cancers.&text=It%20helps%20to%20know%20whether%20or%20not,does%20occur%2C%20it%20can%20be%20diagnosed%20early.
Fast forward to 6 years later of my life; I know way too long, I finally decided to go thru the genetic testing. In my defense time sure has a way of escaping us, which those with kids (two at that-one being special needs + a flourishing photography business) could relate on how life flashes before our eyes! In hindsight, as my therapist would say-on repeat, I was probably more than anything avoiding it. While I’m now noticing this is a trend with me; a few months back I would have not known this to be a protective aspect in my life that I resort to. Deep down inside I believe I knew that I would too-test positive; but I guess if it isn’t said it must not be real…right-well I think that is what I was going for!
So after much avoidance I started the motion towards seeking my primary doctor who then referred me to the genetic counselor. Fast forward to my options of either proceeding to doing screenings for the rest of my life or being super proactive & removing the source that could bring me cancer. Many signs (being catholic I will interject here-signs from God) kept on steering me toward the more proactive side of things. I know-it’s quite a radical decision but I sat with this decision for a good 6-7 months from the point of the official diagnosis and trust me it was not and has not been smooth sailing. My view has been and continues to be, I’ve been given a gift of taking action before worse takes over my body and in my opinion it would be a disservice to ignore the help god has presented to me. I hear from time to time; including my mom-if I would have known I would have take action earlier. Again everyone’s journey is different but my personal peace at the moment will come from reducing my chances of developing cancer and if it takes this temporary obstacle now vs more intense treatments down the road I rather take my chances being in control now. I have decided to proceed with a prophylactic double mastectomy which will have a huge impact in my life and will put a temporary halt in all things life but the silver lining is that it will be temporary.
In honor of what I will endure and after finding the peace in my decision I was most definitely feeling the itch to get back into the studio and what better way than a session for myself-it was exactly what I needed to be able to get back into it because it was most definitely therapeutic with the passion I have for photography. My first goal with this session was to capture my current normal but little did I expect to find it healing one picture at a time. I did accomplish capturing my current physical appearance but what I gained was the grateful emotion my soul needed; I started to reminisce of the past and what my bosoms' has done for me-I forever will be grateful to have had the opportunity to have nourished my children with them but now they must go in order to live in peace for a long time.
With that said I hope my words can provide support to others who may possibly be in this situation one day or may know someone who may be going thru similar experiences like mine. It is and has been a rollercoaster of emotions from the start of this journey and I expect it to continue throughout but hoping I can help others feel a bit less of the turmoil I have lived thru thus far thru my words/blog, posts and pictures.
God willing I will be back in business the 2nd week in April and I can not wait to get back to my craft; documenting your grand moments one session at a time. While I will be available it will be on a limited basis this year, for healing purposes, for which I will encourage you book your photoshoot in advance to guarantee a spot in my agenda.
When doing studio work the photo magic takes place at my cozy studio, found in Montgomery, Illinois Maternity sessions https://www.alogsphotography.com/maternity
Newborn sessions https://www.alogsphotography.com/newbornphotos
Birthday sessions https://www.alogsphotography.com/milestones
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